


The Letter

by NB_Cecil



Series: October OTP Ficlets [25]
Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: AU, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Arguing, Family Feels, Family Tragedy, M/M, Making Up, bereavement, lighthouse au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-24
Updated: 2018-10-24
Packaged: 2019-08-06 21:11:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16395167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NB_Cecil/pseuds/NB_Cecil
Summary: Lighthouse AU: A sequel toFamily, Data has never talked much about his daughter, Lal. He writes Jean-Luc a letter detailing her short life and leaves the house to give Jean-Luc some space after their argument.





	The Letter

**Author's Note:**

> Content warning: death of a child.

The sound of the front door opening then closing jerks Jean-Luc out of his self pity and he uncurls himself from the foetal position he has occupied on top of the duvet for the best part of the last hour. He blows his nose, examines his puffy eyes in the mirror, and makes his way downstairs, mentally cursing himself for being so thoughtless in his criticism of Data’s reaction to the news of Lore’s release from prison. On the kitchen table he finds an envelope addressed to him in Data’s neat block-caps handwriting. There is no sign of the Android. Jean-Luc wipes the last of his tears from his face with the back of his hand and fills the kettle, weighing the envelope in his hand as he waits for it to boil. He takes his mug of tea and the envelope back to the table, its, draws a deep breath and runs his finger under the seal, pulling out several sheets of paper.

_MY DEAREST JEAN-LUC,_

_WE HAVE NEVER SPOKEN IN DETAIL ABOUT MY LATE DAUGHTER AND AND I REGRET NOT SHARING THIS CHAPTER OF MY LIFE WITH YOU SOONER._

_BETWEEN THE FIRST AND SECOND YEARS OF MY UNDERGRADUATE DEGREE, I TOOK A YEAR OUT FROM MY STUDIES. SOMETHING WAS MISSING FROM MY LIFE AND I INTENDED TO EXPLORE AND RECTIFY IT IF I COULD. I SEARCHED FOR A DEEPER UNDERSTANDING OF MYSELF AND MY PLACE IN SOCIETY, ATTENDING LECTURES AND SEMINARS ON THE SUBJECT OF ROBOTICS AND ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE, BUT INSTEAD OF HELPING ME FIND MY PLACE IN THE WORLD, THEY ONLY SERVED TO HIGHLIGHT MY DIFFERENCE FROM MY HUMAN PEERS. I BEGAN TO WONDER IF HAVING ANOTHER LIKE MYSELF AROUND WOULD HELP ME TO BETTER INTEGRATE INTO HUMAN SOCIETY._

_AS YOU KNOW, GEORDI AND I MET DURING FRESHERS’ WEEK AND QUICKLY BECAME FIRM FRIENDS. AS HE WAS STUDYING COMPUTER SCIENCE, I ENLISTED HIS HELP TO BUILD A NEW ANDROID, USING MY OWN POSITRONIC BRAIN AS A TEMPLATE._

_IT TOOK US NINE MONTHS FROM OUR INITIAL DESIGN SKETCHES TO THE DAY WE ACTIVATED THE ANDROID. THE SAME TIME-SPAN AS THE GESTATION OF A HUMAN FOETUS, AND I BEGAN TO THINK OF THEM AS MY CHILD. I NAMED THEM LAL, FROM THE HINDI, MEANING “LOVE”._

_I DID NOT WISH FOR LAL TO BE CONSTRAINED BY MY CONCEPTION OF HOW MY CHILD SHOULD BE, SO I LEFT THEM UNFINISHED AESTHETICALLY UNTIL AFTER THEIR FIRST ACTIVATION. I WANTED THE CHANCE TO SHOW LAL A WHOLE RANGE OF HUMANOID SPECIES, GENDERS, AND PRESENTATIONS BEFORE THEY COMMITTED THEMSELF TO AN APPEARANCE. SHE CHOSE THE APPEARANCE AND GENDER OF A HUMAN FEMALE, WHITE, AGED APPROXIMATELY 18 YEARS, WITH DARK HAIR IN A FRINGED BOB. I ENCLOSE A MUCH-TREASURED PHOTOGRAPH OF US—TAKEN BY GEORDI—FOR YOUR PERUSAL. IT IS ONE OF MY MOST TREASURED POSSESSIONS._

_INITIALLY, LAL WAS ALMOST ENTIRELY DEPENDENT ON ME, NOT UNLIKE A NEWBORN. SHE NEEDED ME TO HELP HER INTERPRET THE WORLD AND UNDERSTAND HOW SHE FIT INTO IT. I TOOK HER OUT AROUND CAMBRIDGE TO CAFES SO SHE COULD OBSERVE HUMAN BEHAVIOUR AND LEARN TO EMULATE IT. SHE HAD SO MANY QUESTIONS. SOME OF THEM I COULD NOT ANSWER—QUESTIONS ABOUT EMOTIONS AND NUANCES OF THE HUMAN CONDITION WHICH HAVE ALWAYS ELUDED ME. I TRIED TO ENROL HER IN A SCHOOL, BUT THE HEAD TEACHER REFUSED TO TAKE HER, SAYING THE OTHER CHILDREN WOULD FIND HER “SCARY”. EVENTUALLY, MY FRIEND GUINAN—WHO WAS STUDYING FOR A PHD ON THE WORKS OF MARK TWAIN AT THE TIME AND WORKED PART-TIME IN A COCKTAIL BAR—SUGGESTED LAL WORK ALONGSIDE HER IN ODER TO OBSERVE THE CUSTOMERS AND WORK ON HER INTERACTIONS WITH OTHERS. THE PROPRIETOR AGREED._

_WORKING IN THE BAR HAD A POSITIVE IMPACT ON LAL’S SOCIAL DEVELOPMENT. SHE WAS BEGINNING TO DEVELOP HER OWN PERSONALITY AND SHARED MY LOVE OF VISUAL ART. WHEN SHE WAS NOT AT WORK, WE PAINTED TOGETHER AND VISITED GALLERIES. I TAUGHT HER TO EVALUATE A WORK OF ART CRITICALLY AND TO RECREATE CERTAIN ARTISTS’ STYLES. FOR THE FIRST TIME I HAD FOUND A PLACE FOR MYSELF IN THE WORLD, AS PART OF A FAMILY GROUP WITH ANOTHER WHO WAS SIMILAR TO MYSELF. I FOUND PARENTING TO BE AN ALL-CONSUMING OCCUPATION: MY THOUGHTS NEVER STRAYED FAR FROM LAL—EVEN WHEN WE WERE APART—STRIVING TO DO MY BEST BY HER, CONSIDERING THE RISKS AND BENEFITS OF EXPOSING HER TO NEW EXPERIENCES I THOUGHT MAY BE BENEFICIAL TO HER, AND JUST WONDERING AT THE MIRACLE OF HER EXISTENCE. AS YOU ARE WELL AWARE JEAN-LUC, I AM NOT A MAN PRONE TO SENTIMENT OR RELIGIOUS TENDENCIES, BUT THERE WAS A PART OF ME THAT ALMOST BELIEVED HER TO HAVE BEEN EMBUED WITH LIFE BY SOME DIVINE POWER AND NOT BY THE APPLICATION OF SKILL, KNOWLEDGE AND PATIENCE BY GEORDI AND MYSELF._

_WE WERE CONTENT TOGETHER FOR OVER A WEEK BEFORE THINGS STARTED TO GO WRONG. I WENT TO REGISTER LAL’S BIRTH AND THE REGISTRAR REFUSED, STATING THAT LAL WAS “NOT A SENTIENT LIFE-FORM”. I ARGUED THAT LAL HAD PROVED HER SENTIENCE, GIVING EXAMPLES, AND POINTED OUT THAT WHEN I WAS FIRST DISCOVERED AND REACTIVATED THE SAME AUTHORITIES INITIALLY REFUSED TO GRANT ME PERSONHOOD, AND LATER TRIED TO REVOKE IT IN ORDER TO DISMANTLE ME FOR FURTHER STUDIES, AND THAT BOTH TIMES THEY EVENTUALLY HAD TO ADMIT THEY HAD MADE A MISTAKE. I WAS UNABLE TO CONVINCE THE REGISTRAR, AND EVENTUALLY LEFT HAVING EXTRACTED A PROMISE THAT SHE WOULD CONSULT HER SUPERIORS AND CONTACT ME TO DISCUSS THE MATTER FURTHER._

_THE FOLLOWING AFTERNOON I RECEIVED A TELEPHONE CALL FROM A SOCIAL WORKER. HE WAS “CONCERNED FOR THE CHILD’S WELLBEING”. I SUSPECT THE REGISTRAR MADE A CHILD PROTECTION REFERRAL, BUT THERE IS LITTLE POINT IN DWELLING ON EVENTS OF THE PAST ONE WISHES HAD NOT HAPPENED THE WAY THEY HAD. I AGREED TO SHOW THE SOCIAL WORKER OUR HOME AND FOR HIM TO VISIT LAL AT WORK. I WAS CONFIDENT HE WOULD SEE THAT SHE WAS DEVELOPING IN AN APPROPRIATE MANNER AND INTEGRATING WELL INTO HUMAN SOCIETY; I DID NOT FOR ONE MOMENT THINK THAT HE MAY WISH TO TAKE LAL AWAY._

_THE SOCIAL WORKER WAS HORRIFIED THAT I ALLOWED MY CHILD TO WORK, ESPECIALLY IN A PLACE WHERE ALCOHOL WAS BEING SERVED. I POINTED OUT THAT ALTHOUGH SHE WAS ONLY NINE DAYS OLD, SHE HAD ALL MY COGNITIVE ABILITIES AND EVEN SOME IMPROVEMENTS, AND THAT HER UNDERSTANDING OF THE WORLD WAS PROGRESSING AT A RATE UNPRECEDENTED IN HUMANOID LIFE-FORMS. AT THIS POINT SHE WAS MORE LIKE A SOMEWHAT NAIVE YOUNG WOMAN THAN A CHILD. HE LEFT, TELLING US HE WOULD APPLY FOR A COURT ORDER TO HAVE LAL REMOVED FROM MY CUSTODY._

_LAL WAS DISTRAUGHT UPON HEARING THE NEWS THAT WE MAY BE SEPARATED. ON THE WALK HOME FROM THE BAR SHE COULD BARELY STAND AND I CARRIED HER MOST OF THE WAY. GUINAN STAYED WITH US THAT NIGHT AND I WILL ALWAYS BE GRATEFUL TO HER FOR HER PRESENCE AT THAT VERY DIFFICULT TIME._

_WHEN WE ARRIVED AT OUR HOME, LAL STATED THAT SHE FELT AN EMOTION: FEAR. I WAS DELIGHTED TO LEARN THAT SHE HAD SURPASSED MY OWN CAPABILITIES IN THIS AREA, BUT ALSO ALARMED AT THE EFFECT IT WAS HAVING ON HER. SHE BEGAN TO MALFUNCTION. SUBTLE TICS IN HER MOTIONS AND STUTTERS IN HER SPEECH AT FIRST, SYMPTOMS OF THE CASCADE FAILURE WHICH HAD BEGUN IN HER NEURAL NET. I SET TO WORK, OPENING THE PANEL CONCEALED UNDER HER HAIR AND WORKING TO REPAIR THE DAMAGE CAUSED BY THE SUDDEN ONSET OF EMOTION BEFORE IT COULD IMPACT ON HER SURROUNDING CIRCUITS._

_THROUGHOUT THAT LONG NIGHT AND THE NEXT MORNING, GUINAN WAS A CALM PRESENCE AT MY SIDE; HANDING ME TOOLS, AND OFFERING KIND WORDS OF SUPPORT, BUT HOWEVER FAST MY HANDS WORKED—AND THEY WOULD HAVE APPEARED TO BE A BLUR TO THE HUNMAN EYE—I COULD NOT KEEP AHEAD OF THE FAILURES._

_LAL SUFFERED A COMPLETE NEURAL SYSTEMS FAILURE AT 13:00 HOURS THE FOLLOWING DAY. GUINAN LEFT TO ALLOW US TO SHARE THE SHORT TIME WE HAD LEFT TOGETHER ALONE. IN HER LAST MOMENTS LAL TOLD ME SHE FELT LOVE FOR ME; SHE CALLED ME “FATHER”. TO THIS DAY I REGRET THAT I WAS UNABLE TO SAY I LOVED HER TOO, BUT IT WOULD HAVE BEEN A LIE. SHE SAID IT WAS NO MATTER AND THAT SHE WOULD FEEL LOVE FOR THE BOTH OF US._

_I HAD TO DEACTIVATE MY OWN DAUGHTER, JEAN-LUC. THE KNOWLEDGE OF THAT MOMENT HAS STAYED WITH ME EVER SINCE, SO I DO HOPE YOU CAN UNDERSTAND WHY YOUR COMMENTS EARLIER TODAY ABOUT HOW I MAY COME TO REGRET NOT SHARING TIME WITH MY FAMILY WHEN I HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY WERE UNWELCOME._

_I WISH FOR YOU TO HAVE SOME SPACE; I WILL RETURN AT 6PM._

_I HOLD YOU IN GREAT AFFECTION._

_~DATA_

Jean-Luc folds the letter and notices that he is crying again. Not for himself this time, but for Data, Lal, and what might have been. He holds the precious photograph carefully by its edges. Data with his arm around a young woman, both smiling into the camera, her perfectly smooth skin and implausibly neat hair the only give-away that she is something other than human. The background decor suggests they are in a coffee shop. _They must have thought they had all the time in the world_ , he thinks, sighing. He carefully replaces the letter and photo back in their envelope and makes his way to the door, grabbing his jacket on the way. He tucks the envelope safely into the inside pocket.

Leaving the cottage, Jean-Luc crosses the lawn to the disused lighthouse where the ornithologists have their office and monitoring equipment for their various nest cameras, and Will Riker has his make-shift bird hospital. He climbs the steep stairs and out makes his way out onto the narrow walkway surrounding the lamp.

A storm is rolling in. Leaning on the rail looking out over the choppy sea, fat rain drops landing on his face, he lets his emotions wash over him. He screams, tries to bargain with the Universe to let Lal live again and to give him the chance to go back and say things differently to Data, to _not_ say things. He curses himself again for his thoughtless comments about Lore, wishing he could take them back, gripping the rail until his knuckles turn white. Eventually his exhausts himself and sinks to the floor, his back leaning against the lamp housing. Checking his watch, he sees it it 5:30pm and he rouses himself to begin the climb back to ground level. He wants to be at home ready to greet Data with a sincere apology when the Android returns, as he no doubt will, at exactly 6 o’clock.

**Author's Note:**

> October OTP Fics Day 24: “Making up afterwards”.


End file.
